I’ve given an overview of the misunderstanding, so I wont’ repeat it. I’ve taken what I think are the main points of disagreement by one critic who does a great job of distilling concerns some Christians have with what they think I’m arguing in the book:
As parents who have done everything we can to catechize, take our kids to church morning and evening, do evening devotions, etc., I can say: Only the Lord’s work prevails. Yes, hiding the Word in their hearts is key. But there is absolutely no correlation between faithful (or reasonably faithful) work in this with the outcome of personal faith. I fear that your approach, makes parental guilt a more oppressive burden. The Holy Spirit is God. He alone can regenerate hearts. I know that you say this. The means of grace are the means of grace, but the Spirit works through them when and where he pleases. I just worry that your approach is more, “If you do X, then Y should result.” I fear that’s more harm than help—for parents and children.
There is error here mixed with truth, and I want to be careful how I unpack it, but first I will address a criticism I’ve received that bears on my credibility. I was told in so many words that I believe what I believe because it just so happens that we’ve raised three children who have grown into adulthood and have not abandoned the faith. If any of them had, so the argument goes, I would not think the way I do. I can’t refute a hypothetical, but since I’ve affirmed that we can’t guarantee anything and are in control of nothing, the point is moot, an excuse not to engage my arguments. I will address exactly what I mean by these two affirmations of denial in due course.
What is Not Enough?
Let me start with parents who have done “everything they can” to ground their kid’s faith, and it’s doesn’t appear to be enough. If he had read my book, he would know that I argue that taking our kids to church, reading the Bible and doing devotions with them, and teaching them the fundamentals of the Christian faith (to catechize) is not enough in our secular day and age. I also say that except for taking them to church, I was never very good or consistent at doing any of those things. I’ll never forget telling my daughter, our oldest, one day about feeling guilty for being such a poor spiritual leader in this way, and her reply was priceless, “Well, Dad, at least you taught us that Christianity is the truth!” Bingo! I had a new friend tell me something the other day as we were discussing all of this: “There is a full-on, 24/7 war for the minds of our children, and that is what needs to be addressed.” Bingo, again!
This war is why in a book on parenting, which really isn’t on parenting per se, I discuss the importance of parents, truth, epistemology, plausibility, explanatory power, culture, gratitude, theology, and apologetics. It is this war my friend spoke of that requires such a full-orbed defense of the Christian faith to our children. Without a thoroughly Christian view of all of reality, and teaching them what that means, we are not giving our children the tools they need to fend off the daily assaults of a hostile secular culture. We need ourselves to interrogate the messaging of the culture at every point, and teach them how to do the same. That’s what I spend over 200 pages in the book doing, and I would hope critics would engage the arguments I make before dismissing them as harmful to parents and children. They most definitely are not!
Does What We Do as Parents Even Matter at All?
That seems to be the implication of the next sentence, that what we do in raising our children has “absolutely no correlation . . . with the outcome of personal faith.” Absolutely none? I think if he had a do-over, he might consider revising that sentence. The sentiment is profoundly unbiblical. I wonder what the writer of this proverb would say to this:
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
We he agree, that there is “absolutely no correlation”?
How about the Apostle Paul, given he had these instructions for ministers in the church:
4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)
Did Paul think there is “absolutely no correlation”?
How about Moses (Deut. 29):
29 The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.
I think I am safe in saying, biblically, the assertion that there is “absolutely no correlation” between what we do as parents “with the outcome of personal faith” is false.
It is abundantly clear from Scripture that the reason God gave us the fifth commandment was that he provided the means (thus the sub-title of the book) to enable children to honor their father and mother. In the next post I will address his worry that I am claiming, “If you do X, then Y should result,” but I will say here without equivocation: of course I believe if you do X, then Y should result! That is a reasonable expectation given that we live in a universe of cause and effect. I think my critics are guilty of a non sequitur, that because I have such an expectation, it follows that I am saying we can guarantee the result. I most definitely am not! I look forward to fleshing this out more in the next post, take 2.
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